Tuesday, January 19, 2010

8 weeks... and some complaining ;)

I know I've said it before, but I really want this blog to be real. I want it to include my true feelings as I go through this journey including all the ups and downs. So in saying this ... today was probably my hardest day yet. My youngest daughter has gotten croup. She's one year old and it scares me to see her having such a hard time breathing. She had a good 5 hour nap and I think that was my saving grace b/c I felt absolutely dreadful today. I don't know how I would have taken care of her without that reprieve. I was EXHAUSTED. I think the way I felt today gave new meaning to that word. I could barely peel myself off the couch and my stomach, uterus, whatever it was, was just achy and uncomfortable all day. I couldn't lay, sit or stand in a way that would give me relief. Then to top it all off I got a massive headache, which I'm sure attributed to the tiredness. I remember this feeling from my first pregnancy. I was laying on the couch one evening after work crying b/c I couldn't imagine feeling like this and having to look after a child. I lived that moment today, but instead of just one child I had two. I was very thankful for my independent 3 1/2 year old. I do feel that being a mother makes me stronger b/c I didn't break down like I did imagining this moment four years ago, I did dread needing to prepare lunch or change a dirty bum, but I did it. I guess that's just how it is when we have our kids.

I am still SOO happy to be doing this and I'm thankful for every second of this pregnancy. I know it will be worth it when I see them holding their precious bundle. That doesn't change the fact that today was hard and kind of crappy. hahaha It hit me today that we are at 8 weeks (tomorrow)!!! Wow!!! I know that doesn't sound very far along, but considering where we started it feels like a lifetime. Remembering that this point was just a dream and now it's a full blown reality. It's amazing and so joyful.

Now to try and go to sleep. After my day of exhaustion sleep evades me and is replaced by anxiety and restlessness, tossing and turning... I actually feel better after writing this post. Remembering how truly joyful this is just fills me with peace.

1 comment:

  1. Ah, don't worry about writing about the crappy days. We know pregnancy isn't all bliss and joy and well today was a shitty day for you. Sounds like your ligaments are stretching if your all crampy and such...that can be very achy if not downright painful.

    It's hard to be pregnant and look after other kids too, some may think, 'well your only 8 weeks today' but seriously, do you know what you accomplished this week?

    You made a heart stronger. You grew leg and arm buds. You began forming the lower jaw, vocal cords, a mouth opening, inner parts of the ears, a digestive tract, a belly button and started forming lungs, liver, pancreas and thyroid.

    Now if someone says they've had a hard day, think back to all you did this week, WHILE taking care of 2 other kids, a house, and all the other stuff that goes along with it. You've had a very busy week and deserve a break!

    Your doing a great job, come so far and even though you may have your bad, tired, feel awful days, you will bounce back after a little R and R. :)