9 weeks (3 days)

I'm feeling fat...

That's kind of on the forefront of my mind the last few days. I always feel this way in the first trimester. I start realizing that being a human garburator is NOT great for places like my butt and face and arms and thighs... and of course when I stay up too late all feelings are exaggerated. Grumpiness does not help you to feel beautiful. I'm ready to look pregnant. I'm sick of this constant gut that, try as I may, just will not suck in. I have been doing an ok job of convincing myself that it looks like a pregnant belly, but if I'm really honest with myself I've got to admit that it's just a little to soft and not quite round enough to pass as a "bump". These are my moans for the week... thank you for listening and I'm sorry if you got any mental pictures.

There have been many great blessings this week which make my fatness somewhat less menacing. The most exciting is by far the dr's visit we had this week... well not so much the visit itself as what we got to hear. The baby is still too small to hear the heartbeat through the doppler, but we got the next best thing. We heard it moving!!! It was so amazing. To imagine this little one is the size of a grape and it was bouncing around in there. We heard it bonk against the doppler numerous times and had it been big enough to have an audible heartbeat I doubt we could have gotten it anyways. Man this thing was wild! haha It's got to be a boy ;) haha. I had no idea they moved so much this young. It really blew my mind and after a weekend of worry it was to all of our relief that we got this great news. It made me wish that I had videotaped it for the baby's mom and dad. (when I say "we" in this chapter I guess I am referring to me and the dr)

I was a little discouraged at the end of the dr's apt. b/c it sounded like the parents weren't going to get an ultrasound around the time they were coming. My dr. wants a 12 week ultrasound done and the parents aren't coming until around 14 1/2 weeks, but to our wonderful surprise the OB (who does the u/s) is going away and the earliest he can get me in is March 8th!!! I couldn't believe my ears! That is the exact date that the parents are going to be here. :D I was speechless. Praise God! I think that this ultrasound will be just so special for the parents and I'm so excited that I get to be there for it too!

So all in all it was a good week and I've been enjoying not having to worry when I go a day without some nausea. I feel like God has been blessing us all so much with this whole thing and I look forward to what's ahead. I got a little note from the mom last week in the mail and when she said hi to baby from mom it hit me like a ton of bricks... no something better than bricks that doesn't hurt, but actually feels good... like a ton of flower pedals. :) It made me soo happy to hear her call herself mom. She is a mom already and he`s a dad. This is when it starts. They aren`t intended parents anymore they are parents. YAY!!

9 week (tomorrow)!!!

Wow!! 9 weeks!!! A few more weeks and we're done the first trimester. Next month will bring an end to this portion of the journey... and I can't say I'll miss it much. I'm ready to move on to the exciting, less nausea's parts of pregnancy. I LOVE the second trimester. It comes with such amazing joys and I'm excited to get to experience them with the baby's parents.

I got a little bit worried this weekend. I had some cramping on Friday night. We were driving and I'm not sure if it was the bumping from the road or from puking the night away, but it felt awful. It felt like the pain was in my hips, very very low and a burning that would start in my back and kind of spread into my lower abdomen. It felt like when I was in labour with my youngest daughter (only not as intense). I could feel a very distinct start and stop pattern and it was really starting to scare me. We ripped home (1 1/2hr drive), I laid down on the couch and shortly after the cramping stopped. The next day I woke up and I felt wonderful. I still had the pregnancy bloating, but not an ounce of nausea. This also kind of scared me b/c I had gone from 3 nights of loosing my supper to all of a sudden feeling perfect. It wasn't a welcome feeling. No spotting or blood of any kind so that was a good sign. The next day I woke up again feeling really good. I tried to take it easy, relax and rest, but it was nagging in my mind all day that I felt "too" good. If I still felt this awesome by the next day I would go in and request an ultrasound. I knew that if it was a miscarriage there was nothing they could do, but the not knowing was killing me. Thankfully I woke up the next morning feeling like crap!!! It was the BEST feeling in the world!!! :D It's been a couple of days and defiantly feeling pregnant. I have the first prenatal apt. on Wednesday so I will tell him about the experience, but I feel confident that everything is fine. It's probably a bit too early to hear the heartbeat with a doppler, but just hearing what he has to say will alleviate my worries. He's a VERY careful dr.

I think that the cramping and the lessening of nausea could have come from the placenta starting to work. The fertility clinic says it takes control of the production of hormones and feeding the baby somewhere around 9-10 weeks. That would fit the timeline of where we are in this pregnancy. Also I have read that cramping around this time of pregnancy is normal and ok as long as it's not accompanied by bleeding (plus it went away and hasn't come back). Of course I'm not a dr. so this is just what I'm thinking... maybe they will know more when I go in on Wednesday. Either way I feel very good that everything is going fine. I have "just" enough symptoms.

The reason I included this in the blog is not to scare everyone, but just to share the ups and downs of pregnancy. The worries and the fears. I felt a lot of comfort when listening to other women's experiences and seeing that things were ok. I had never had any sort of cramping in a pregnancy before, but this is the third one so I know it will bring different surprises and challenges. This is all part of the experience.

It just dawned on me that winter is over halfway over!!!!!!!!!

8 weeks... and some complaining ;)

I know I've said it before, but I really want this blog to be real. I want it to include my true feelings as I go through this journey including all the ups and downs. So in saying this ... today was probably my hardest day yet. My youngest daughter has gotten croup. She's one year old and it scares me to see her having such a hard time breathing. She had a good 5 hour nap and I think that was my saving grace b/c I felt absolutely dreadful today. I don't know how I would have taken care of her without that reprieve. I was EXHAUSTED. I think the way I felt today gave new meaning to that word. I could barely peel myself off the couch and my stomach, uterus, whatever it was, was just achy and uncomfortable all day. I couldn't lay, sit or stand in a way that would give me relief. Then to top it all off I got a massive headache, which I'm sure attributed to the tiredness. I remember this feeling from my first pregnancy. I was laying on the couch one evening after work crying b/c I couldn't imagine feeling like this and having to look after a child. I lived that moment today, but instead of just one child I had two. I was very thankful for my independent 3 1/2 year old. I do feel that being a mother makes me stronger b/c I didn't break down like I did imagining this moment four years ago, I did dread needing to prepare lunch or change a dirty bum, but I did it. I guess that's just how it is when we have our kids.

I am still SOO happy to be doing this and I'm thankful for every second of this pregnancy. I know it will be worth it when I see them holding their precious bundle. That doesn't change the fact that today was hard and kind of crappy. hahaha It hit me today that we are at 8 weeks (tomorrow)!!! Wow!!! I know that doesn't sound very far along, but considering where we started it feels like a lifetime. Remembering that this point was just a dream and now it's a full blown reality. It's amazing and so joyful.

Now to try and go to sleep. After my day of exhaustion sleep evades me and is replaced by anxiety and restlessness, tossing and turning... I actually feel better after writing this post. Remembering how truly joyful this is just fills me with peace.

7 week belly pics... what little belly there is.

This is me in the morning. Just a little tiny bump. Honestly it feels bigger than it is b/c my uterus is so tender I can't wear any of my pants. If anything pushes on my tummy at all it's really uncomfortable. I know at this point it is all uterus since the baby is only the size of a grain of rice or something super duper small like that. haha


This is me in the evening. Notice the lovely joys of the bloating pregnant belly and how much a full stomach can effect things.

Please excuse the self potraits. Whenever I get the idea to take a picture I'm usually home alone with the kidlets.

7 weeks 3 days and feelin' good

Sooo, I'm super excited b/c the baby's parents have asked to come visit in March. It's going to be sooo awesome to see them!! I will be around the 15 week mark then and will most likely have more to show (as in a little baby belly) than just eating all the time and being extra sleepy. Atleast I hope to have a little belly to show them... that's when I have started to show in the past. I already feel like I have a slight belly, but it's not anything anyone else would be able to notice and I still feel weird about people rubbing it b/c it's all uterus and therefor not very hard. It's still "my" belly, once it starts to become baby everyone can poke, prod, rub and talk to it as much as they like.

The first prenantal appointment is January 27th, which is the 9 week mark. I'm not expecting to be able to hear the heartbeat with a doppler quite yet, but hopefully on the next visit. You never know, we may get lucky. My dr. is going to South Africa for a 6 week visit so while he is gone I am going to be seeing the Obstetrician in town. I am going to try and orchestrate it so that my OB visit lines up perfectly with the visit from the parents so that they will be able to see an ultrasound and get a few pictures to take home with them. This ultrasound will look like much much more of a baby compared to the 6 week little rice picture that we got last time. Don't get me wrong that was a pretty special little rice :)

So all in all things are going great. I feel good. Just enough sleepyness and nauseau to know that the little lima bean is in there, but not enough to disrupt my life in any major way. I am still dealing with weird uterine tenderness, but that's not anything major. I am learning to adjust my sleeping positions early that's all.

We'd all still love it if you could keep praying for this little one. I feel like it's doing fine in there, but since having a friend loose a baby recently and another one have some complications I am finding it hard to relax and just enjoy it. Thanks :)

Feelings so far...

It was such a wonderful week of sharing the news with everyone. The excitement and support was overwhelming! :)
I feel like things have finally settled now and I can breath and relax and take this pregnancy as it throws things my way. So far it has been easy... different, but easy. Mind you we are still only at 6 weeks 5 days. The morning sickness is not bad (yet?). If I don't eat I will feel it and it usually makes all food look really unappealing, so I just lay there feeling kind of crappy. Fruit and yogurt are my favorites and always look good. I have very mild fatigue... very mild. Nothing that disrupts my life enough to notice. I fall asleep on the couch at night before my usual bedtime, but that's hardly anything to complain about. Some lower back ache and lower tailbone pain, but that has gone away as of this week (for now). I'm not fitting into my pants as well as I used to already and that's kind of annoying. It's the perpetual gut that I can't "suck in" anymore. Makes me feel a bit awkward and not super attractive. I know it will soon turn into a baby belly so I can handle it. All in all it has been going really well. If anything the lack of any major symptoms makes me worry from time to time, but then I just have to remind myself to let it go. Worrying doesn't help a thing and this is something I have zero control over.

It has been interesting coming to terms with this being a "surrogate pregnancy". I have been showing a few friends the ultrasound picture and it's definitely different. I feel protective of this baby of theirs, but not the same pride that I felt with my own. When I saw that precious little one on the ultrasound screen I felt YAY for the parents, but not the instant motherly love that I felt for my own. I'm the type of person that imagines and daydreams about the future and what things are going to be like and this time around it all stops at the delivery. My life really isn't going to be majorly altered because of this baby. The parents on the other hand... haha :D It's wonderful and great. I'm glad it feels this way. I'm excited for every new step and it will be SOO much fun to watch them experience it all. I think that this is how it should feel. It's healthy. This is their baby and man are they gonna love it and I'm excited for that. :D

IT'S POSITIVE!!!!

We are all elated to announce that there is ONE healthy baby in there. The parents are so excited! We are already at 6 weeks and had our first ultrasound today. Their baby is the size of a peppercorn, but not only did we see the heart beating we also got to hear it!! It was so unbelievable that something SO small truly (visibly) has life! And not only does it have a beating heart, but the brain is developing and connecting to the spinal cord, the kidneys, liver, eyes, ears, mouth and little buds for arms and legs have begun to form. It's unbelievable!! I am truly astounded every time I see an ultrasound. These precious little ones are such an amazing gift from God and I am so excited that these two people get to become parents for the first time. September 1st is the official due date.

There was a dash of disappointment all around that there was only one baby in there. Don't get me wrong one is amazing, but they did put two in there and knowing that one didn't make it is a little bit hard. There were so many signs point to twins so it really was a shock to me.

Here is a little history on that last few weeks since finding out.
I called the parents on Christmas day. I hadn't gotten a period so we pretty much knew what to expect. I dipped the stick and almost immediately it changed to positive. Both parents were of course ecstatic. Those first few weeks are so nerve wracking. We were onto yet another next step, but of course we still had more waiting to do. I tested everyday just to make sure it was STILL positive. We got the first blood test results back (which was taken at 4 weeks of pregnancy) and the levels were at 265. That's a good amount, but what we really needed to see was it going up. The next blood test was at 5 weeks of pregnancy. These hormone levels were through the roof at a whopping 3816!!! Woo! Those are wonderful numbers! That left us with the nagging question of is it one or two??? Not only were those numbers quite high for a singleton pregnancy, but I was also beginning to show already! I had to keep reminding myself that it had only been a year since I had my youngest daughter and this is also my third pregnancy. My body may respond a lot quicker this time. The questions were just killing me! The unknowns and the what ifs. It was really nerve wracking. It feels so nice to actually KNOW something. Seeing that one amniotic sac on the ultrasound screen really washed away all the stress that I had been feeling. It has been a long few months waiting and more waiting, but now we are finally here!

There is some sense of relief with having one... as exciting as two would have been. I have never carried twins and it honestly felt like it would change the whole pregnancy. There are SOOOO many unknowns with twins. Are they both going to grow properly, what if one is getting more nutrients than the other, will I need bed rest, will I need a c-section, if I deliver one vaginally will the other one come that way too, what if twin B is breach etc. etc... I know what to expect with one. I've done it before and I feel like we can relax and truly enjoy this process and I just really look forward to sharing this with the mom and dad. I really pray that everything remains healthy and normal and it's uneventful from here on in.