Monday, September 6, 2010

Logan's birth story continued...

We arrived at the hospital, did a quick NST before my dr. checked me. I was 4cm and thinned right out! That was good. I had little pain and had made it 1cm more. He administered another half of the gel and I had to wait another hour on the monitors and that horrible bed. The bed feels like a death sentence to me when I'm in labour. I just wanted to get the heck out of there. The contractions started again almost immediately. They were much stronger and probably 3 minutes apart. These ones hurt in all the right places. They wrapped around my back and flowed into the lower part of my uterus. I just realized that I forgot to mention that my mom happened to be working that day!! I loved having her as my nurse. She was such a comfort to me and although I had gotten to know most of the other nurses during my pregnancy and quick visits for NST's I was glad to have her familiar face to see every time we showed up that day. Anyways... back to the story...

They let me off the bed and I was still contracting much stronger. It was starting not to be fun anymore. Walking really brought them on so I sat in the rocking chair in my room for a bit. We waited there for an hour or so and then I decided that I could leave now. We went to my friend Shannon's house for tea and some of our friends met us there. I can not describe to you the comfort of having my close group of friends around me. It feels so natural to have the support of women during labour. I would recommend it to anyone. It took my mind off of what was going on and although I was unable to really visit I was able to just relax and enjoy their company. The pain intensity of the contractions had really picked up and I asked my doula to call my dr and ask when we should come back in for a check. He told us to come in around 6:00pm. I had a goal now. I had to make it until 6:00pm and then we could go. My doula said that she literally watched my eyes glaze over after that. Things had changed. We were in active labour and I finally said I think it's time to go. She says "Ok good!" She was waiting for me to say it and had known it was time.

We arrived at the hospital at around 5:30pm. My dr came up from emerg and checked me. I was 5cm's. Ok that's active labour, but I was thinking I would be more like 6 or 7. Either way we were there to stay. He asked me if I wanted him to rupture my membranes. I said yes, but wasn't very excited about that idea. I knew from my previous births that this would bring the pain on in a whole new way. This was going to get really really painful very soon. We texted Ben and Ali and told them it was time. I called my husband and told him to arrange to get my brother there asap. From the second he broke my water the pain increased DRASTICALLY. We were not messing around anymore. This baby was coming TODAY! I went into the shower right away. The pain was so intense I dreaded each and every contraction. I was surprised how much dialogue I had going on in my head through each contraction. I was trying to use my knowledge to dissect each contraction to see how much more of this I would have to endure.

The feeling behind this birth was obviously different for me than with my own, but I don't think I was prepared for how it would effect me mentally. The motivation was really hard to come by. I knew that I was in this, there was no way out except to walk through this door, but I wasn't feeling joyful about it. It wasn't something I was trying to enjoy like I did with my own babies it was more something I had to endure in order to finish this journey. Honestly I have never felt pain like that before in my life. It had come on SO quickly and SO strong that I didn't have time to adjust and work my way into things. Ali arrived shortly after we texted and she came in and waited with us through each contraction. I had been in the shower for about a half hour when I felt the urge to push. It would go away with each contraction, but it was pretty intense. I didn't want to make the walk to the bed so they tried to check me while I was in the shower. They couldn't feel any cervix left, but once I finally did haul myself out of the shower and to the bed they discovered I was still 8cm. I still had 2 more to go. We were close!! We had gone from 5cm to 8cm in a half hour. I was disappointed b/c I wanted it to all be over, but obviously I had no choice.

I moved to the rocking chair instead of back in the shower. I remember my thoughts through the contractions. I was telling myself "this is as painful as it's going to be. I'm in transition, it won't get worse, I'm almost done..." My husband still hadn't arrived at this point and my mom was on the phone frantically trying to figure out what was going on. My brother still hadn't arrived at our house to watch the girls. He was stuck there!! We really didn't know if he was going to make it. I actually didn't hear a lot of this I was in my own world. I do remember looking up after one contraction and seeing Ali there and she had tears in her eyes. I was happy that I could share this with her, but I hoped she knew that I wasn't sorry we were here. We just had to get through it. We were in the home stretch.

I had about 4 contractions sitting in the rocking chair when all of a sudden things just stopped. I had the most wonderful 8 minute break in between that contraction. I relaxed my whole body and almost fell asleep. I remember thinking "I'm going to pay for this break." Tara (my doula) whispered something to my mom about this being the calm before the pushing. Oh boy was she right! I got the mother of all contractions (which I knew was coming) and an INTENSE urge to push. I could feel the head right there starting to come down. I was scared I wouldn't make it to the bed. I waited for that contraction to end, my mom went and paged my dr over the intercom and rushed around getting the room ready for the delivery. I managed to get on the bed sort of in a hands and knee position. I remember thinking I don't care who is here if I get another contraction I pushing this baby out. My doula had her hands ready (I think she could read my mind) to catch if she had. Thankfully my dr arrived before the next contraction and I laid on my side supporting my body with my arms. I remember saying when I saw him that I didn't want to do this anymore. This is the stage that I always hated. I have no good memories of pushing. Seeing my dr made me realize that this was really happening. CRAP! The next contraction took over my body. My dr had just managed to throw on his gloves and stuff when my body started pushing. He later told me that he had to support the head a bit to stop it from just shooting out my body haha. This is when my husband FINALLY arrived!! I was so relieved to see him. I didn't want him to miss this. I needed to share it with him. The head came out and I had to wait a minute for the next contraction to come and for me to be able to deliver the rest of the baby. That all felt like it took forever, but in actuality from the point that we realized it was time to push to the baby being out was only minutes. That was the BEST BEST BEST feeling in the world!!! We were DONE!! No more pain! No more pushing!! The baby was out!! Ali got the baby handed to her and my dr cut the cord. They wiped the baby down in her arms and my mom announced "It's a boy!!!" They took Ali and baby out to the nursery to meet Ben and check little Logan over.

I can't tell you how much of a relief it was to be done. I have never felt better in my life. I delivered the placenta was told that I had no tares and settled back to rest and wait for Ali and Ben to bond with baby and for Ali to try breastfeeding for the first time. My brother came in to say congratulations and give me a hug and we all just rejoiced in that room together. It was over!

Ali and Ben then came in and let me hold Logan. It was weird seeing him for the first time. I didn't feel that connection that this was him. He had been inside me this whole time, but he wasn't familiar to me. This was their baby! Ali walked in looking like a mother. She had such peace on her face and it felt like friends introducing me to their baby for the first time. I held him for a few minutes and then handed him back to his mom. I remember Ben was beaming from ear to ear, the vision of a proud father. Everyone said their goodbyes and Ben and Ali went to their room to get settled in. My husband went to get me some food and I had the most amazing shower. From the time they broke my water to baby being out was exactly 1 hour 7 minutes. It had felt like triple that to me, but am so thankful that it wasn't. It was INTENSE and very painful, but fast. I'm glad that everyone was able to make it and SOOO glad that it was over. I got admitted to my room and almost immediately I had groups of my wonderful friends show up. We all just sat in my room talked, shed a few tears, opened gifts. They got to go over and hold Logan quickly and give their congratulations to the parents. It was so amazing to have so many women surrounding me, giving me their love and support and to be able to share with them the events of the day. It just felt so good to be me again!

I will end the story here for now... I will continue with the feelings and events of after the birth in a bit... :)


  1. Oh Brandi!!! This made me cry. I have been thinking about you and praying for you the past few days. I hope your recovery is going well. You have done an amazing thing, but I know it has not been easy. I wish you much peace and comfort in the weeks to come as your body and mind adjust to what has happened the past 9 months. Danielle

  2. BRANDI, that was such an amazing story!!! I loved it from beginning to end!

    Congradulations to all of you! And thanks so much for sharing in your journey and your story! How awesome that your mom was there and able to be your nurse too....I'm just so happy for you I have tears in my eyes.

    Great job, you've done awesome!