Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Decision

The decision to become a surrogate felt like an easy choice for me. When I gave birth to my youngest I thanked God for our beautiful, healthy baby girl, but I also mourned the end of my pregnancy. I enjoyed it so much and I have always seen pregnancy, birth and the joy of becoming a parent as such a beautiful process. I never took for granted the fact that my husband and I always seemed to have an easy time getting pregnant. It almost seemed unfare to me. There were people, some of whom were close friends, who had a hard time conceiving and who had suffered losses. The idea that we were able to conceive and give birth to two healthy baby's, without any complications or difficulty seemed too good to be true.

The idea of surrogacy first came to me about a year after we had our first daughter. She was at such an enjoyable stage and although I was starting to feel ready to be pregnant again I knew that I was not ready to have another baby. I wanted everyone to get a chance to feel what I was feeling. To love someone so much it hurts and to marval at every little thing they do. The first smile, sitting, crawling, laughing, walking and even crying. There is just nothing like it. I started talking to a family who I had found over the internet. She had been in a car accident a few years earlier which had caused her to undergo an emergecy partial hysterectomy and had left her unable to carry children, but still able to produce her own eggs. We talked for about 6 months, but whenever I offered to meet them it became evident that they weren't really serious about the whole thing. It gave me a lot of things to think about. Did I really want to do this? What if the parents wanted me to have an abortion for some reason or reduce the size of pregnancy if it was multiples? I wasn't willing to do that! It became evident that if I was going to do this it would have to be for a couple with the same beliefs as me.

A few years passed. We had our second daughter and the idea once again came back into my head. I meantioned it on one of those silly surveys on facebook. I hesitated before writing it, but something in my mind urged me on. One day passed and I got an e-mail from one of my old high school friends saying that her best friend was looking for a surrogate and asked if I would talk to her. I was so shocked I couldn't believe it, but I was also so excited. I started talking to the intended mom. She was great. She was also a Christian and had the same beliefs and values about preserving life that I did. I talked to my husband about it... a little bit nervous about what he would say. He never enjoyed me being pregnant as much as I did. To my surprise he said almost immediately "if it's something your passionate about and you believe strongly that it's something your supposed to do, than I will stand beside you 100%." I almost cried I couldn't believe it. What an awesome man!!!

I felt very nervous to tell the intended parents about our decision. My experience with the people before made me worried that they might not want me. I got up the nerves to mention it to her in an e-mail and she replied back that they wanted me to do it. I was relieved and very excited. We could really plan on this. We could start talking about what we will do instead of what we might do. It was very exciting.

To my surprise everyone who I told, including my mother, were all very supportive. I was worried about what people would say. Most people thought I was crazy, but all agreed that it was awesome. My mom thinks about some things differently than I do so I was worried she would try and talk me out of it, but she accepted it and encouraged me right away.

Ultimately my feelings consisted of excitement and peace about the decision my husband and I had made. I KNOW that this is something God has called me to do. I believe that God is blessing this couple and I pray everyday that they will get the chance to be parents. It's exciting to be on the crazy journey with them and it warms my heart to see that I will get to help them bring a child into their warm and loving home.


  1. I'm so happy that you can do this for them! I am so going to enjoy reading your blog...and living the experience with you here! LOL

  2. Just found your blog.... I'm excited to read it. It seams that I am in the same boat that you were in. I Also KNOW this is what God had called me to do and I'm going to be doing it for my cousin :)

  3. Just found your blog too, I had coffee with the IP which happens to be my very close friend last week and after years of a lot a talking the decision was officially made... Very excited!