I know I have only been on these birth control pills for a few days, but I am already feeling the effects. My dr. put me on a strong dosage and man can I tell. I have taken birth control a couple times in the past and I definately noticed a difference in myself, but nothing like these ones. It honestly feels like a first trimest pregnancy for me.... which isn't saying much since I've been very fortunate with them in the past. I'm completely up and down with my emotions, usually down at the expense of my poor husband and if I don't eat on time I start to feel nauseaus. I can't sleep at night b/c either a. my mind is on and I can't stop thinking, my dreams even wake me up or b. I'm having a nightmare, which hasn't happened in SOO long. I'm even jittery and having crazy anxiety/panick attacks. It's seriously the weirdest feeling. Maybe it's all in my head. I can only imagine what I'm going to be like once I start with the 'big time' hormones. Maybe it's a good thing that I am feeling these ones so much, atleast we know they are working. Maybe it means that my body responds well to hormone treatment... that would be awesome! It's all speculation at this point, but just thought I would share my thoughts.
I want this blog to be as honest as I can possibly make it. I'm sure there will be times of discomfort and obviously pain (ie, birth), but I wouldn't change it for the world. I want to share all the ups and downs, my fears and excitments. I want to complain about feeling crappy one day and marvel at a new deveolopement the next. I just want everyone to know that this is what I signed up for, I was educated in my decision and I am 100% onboard no matter what is tossed my way. Sitting here feeling crazy and hormonal and I'm still excited and enjoying the experience and we haven't technically even started yet.
Thanks to everyone who is joining me in this!!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Lets Get Started
I had an appointment with my dr. yesterday and I am officially on birth control. Since I have been breastfeeding my daughter for the past nine months I haven't yet had a period. With this extra strong dose of hormones we are hoping that it will get my cycle back on track. I also have to go and get a Hysterosalpingogram, which I'm sort of dreading. This is a process where they inject dye into my fallopian tubes and uterus to make sure that everything is still in working order for carrying babies. It's only a short procedure, but apparently quite painful. I know it's worth it so I'm just looking forward to getting it over with.
I've been reading a LOT of blogs lately. I'm so interested in finding other women who have either been a surrogate or used one. So far all the stories I have read have been very positive. It seems that a lot of the surrogates enjoyed the whole process and loved sharing it with the intended parents. Likewise the intended parents have been very involved and a great support to the surrogate. I'm glad that there are experiences out there that I can share in and learn from. I think that building a relationship with everyone involved really helps make the process as easy and natural as it can be and in the end just a joyful experience.
I've been reading a LOT of blogs lately. I'm so interested in finding other women who have either been a surrogate or used one. So far all the stories I have read have been very positive. It seems that a lot of the surrogates enjoyed the whole process and loved sharing it with the intended parents. Likewise the intended parents have been very involved and a great support to the surrogate. I'm glad that there are experiences out there that I can share in and learn from. I think that building a relationship with everyone involved really helps make the process as easy and natural as it can be and in the end just a joyful experience.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
First visit to the clinic
Yesterday I got back from my consultation with the clinic in Vancouver that will be orchestrating this whole thing. The outlook is very positive. On paper it looks like we are all prime candidates. We are all still in our twenty's so that should mean that everything is young and ready to function as it's supposed to. It looks like the procedure to harvest the eggs may be more difficult and invasive than we had hoped, but the good news is that they can do it! We got a list of all the steps that we are going to need to take once we decide to start the process. Our goal is to do the embryo transfer sometime in December. It really hit me that it's coming fast!!! We are already well into August! I am very excited to begin.
Meeting the parents
After months of talking to the intended mom I finally got a chance to meet her. We were going to meet halfway and bring our mutual friend along. It was going to be so fun with just me and the girls.
I felt like I knew her already. We had talked on the phone a couple times and I had seen pictures. I felt like I sort of knew what to expect and as it turned out I wasn't disapointed. She was easy to talk to, a well rounded normal person. We had a great weekend.
A few months later we finally met the intended dad on a trip out to their house. We live about a 10 hour drive away from eachother and since we were heading that way we decided to drive down for a visit. It was awesome and refreshing to see them together. They obviously love eachother and I know that without a doubt they will make great parents. It made me happy to see their home and imagine their lives with a baby in the picture. One things for sure this baby is wanted and it will be loved.
It felt like it took stages for me to realize what it might be like to actually go through with this. There was never any doubt that I wanted to, but it didn't feel real at first. I don't know if it was a coincidence or if meeting them brought me face to face with reality, but all of a sudden it hit me as to how hard it could actually be. I will fall in love with this baby there is no doubt about that. I fall in love with most baby's I hold let alone carry for 9 months. It is going to be hard to walk out of that hospital empty handed. There is no way that it couldn't be. I want to go into this realistically. I can't fool myself into thinking that it will be a peice of cake or else I won't be prepared for when it happens. What I do know for sure is that it won't be the same as with my own children. I won't go through this pregnancy ever thinking anything else but that this is their baby and I can't wait to see them meet him/her. They will get to look at their precious baby and stare in awe at it's hair and eyes and tiny little nose. So although I caught a glimps of how hard it could be once this is all over, them being there reminded me that it's going to be awesome. It will be their birth and it will be wonderful!! And when I leave the hospital I'll be welcomed home by my sweet girls and my supportive husband. Now it feels like so much to look forward to.
I can't wait!!!
I felt like I knew her already. We had talked on the phone a couple times and I had seen pictures. I felt like I sort of knew what to expect and as it turned out I wasn't disapointed. She was easy to talk to, a well rounded normal person. We had a great weekend.
A few months later we finally met the intended dad on a trip out to their house. We live about a 10 hour drive away from eachother and since we were heading that way we decided to drive down for a visit. It was awesome and refreshing to see them together. They obviously love eachother and I know that without a doubt they will make great parents. It made me happy to see their home and imagine their lives with a baby in the picture. One things for sure this baby is wanted and it will be loved.
It felt like it took stages for me to realize what it might be like to actually go through with this. There was never any doubt that I wanted to, but it didn't feel real at first. I don't know if it was a coincidence or if meeting them brought me face to face with reality, but all of a sudden it hit me as to how hard it could actually be. I will fall in love with this baby there is no doubt about that. I fall in love with most baby's I hold let alone carry for 9 months. It is going to be hard to walk out of that hospital empty handed. There is no way that it couldn't be. I want to go into this realistically. I can't fool myself into thinking that it will be a peice of cake or else I won't be prepared for when it happens. What I do know for sure is that it won't be the same as with my own children. I won't go through this pregnancy ever thinking anything else but that this is their baby and I can't wait to see them meet him/her. They will get to look at their precious baby and stare in awe at it's hair and eyes and tiny little nose. So although I caught a glimps of how hard it could be once this is all over, them being there reminded me that it's going to be awesome. It will be their birth and it will be wonderful!! And when I leave the hospital I'll be welcomed home by my sweet girls and my supportive husband. Now it feels like so much to look forward to.
I can't wait!!!
The Decision
The decision to become a surrogate felt like an easy choice for me. When I gave birth to my youngest I thanked God for our beautiful, healthy baby girl, but I also mourned the end of my pregnancy. I enjoyed it so much and I have always seen pregnancy, birth and the joy of becoming a parent as such a beautiful process. I never took for granted the fact that my husband and I always seemed to have an easy time getting pregnant. It almost seemed unfare to me. There were people, some of whom were close friends, who had a hard time conceiving and who had suffered losses. The idea that we were able to conceive and give birth to two healthy baby's, without any complications or difficulty seemed too good to be true.
The idea of surrogacy first came to me about a year after we had our first daughter. She was at such an enjoyable stage and although I was starting to feel ready to be pregnant again I knew that I was not ready to have another baby. I wanted everyone to get a chance to feel what I was feeling. To love someone so much it hurts and to marval at every little thing they do. The first smile, sitting, crawling, laughing, walking and even crying. There is just nothing like it. I started talking to a family who I had found over the internet. She had been in a car accident a few years earlier which had caused her to undergo an emergecy partial hysterectomy and had left her unable to carry children, but still able to produce her own eggs. We talked for about 6 months, but whenever I offered to meet them it became evident that they weren't really serious about the whole thing. It gave me a lot of things to think about. Did I really want to do this? What if the parents wanted me to have an abortion for some reason or reduce the size of pregnancy if it was multiples? I wasn't willing to do that! It became evident that if I was going to do this it would have to be for a couple with the same beliefs as me.
A few years passed. We had our second daughter and the idea once again came back into my head. I meantioned it on one of those silly surveys on facebook. I hesitated before writing it, but something in my mind urged me on. One day passed and I got an e-mail from one of my old high school friends saying that her best friend was looking for a surrogate and asked if I would talk to her. I was so shocked I couldn't believe it, but I was also so excited. I started talking to the intended mom. She was great. She was also a Christian and had the same beliefs and values about preserving life that I did. I talked to my husband about it... a little bit nervous about what he would say. He never enjoyed me being pregnant as much as I did. To my surprise he said almost immediately "if it's something your passionate about and you believe strongly that it's something your supposed to do, than I will stand beside you 100%." I almost cried I couldn't believe it. What an awesome man!!!
I felt very nervous to tell the intended parents about our decision. My experience with the people before made me worried that they might not want me. I got up the nerves to mention it to her in an e-mail and she replied back that they wanted me to do it. I was relieved and very excited. We could really plan on this. We could start talking about what we will do instead of what we might do. It was very exciting.
To my surprise everyone who I told, including my mother, were all very supportive. I was worried about what people would say. Most people thought I was crazy, but all agreed that it was awesome. My mom thinks about some things differently than I do so I was worried she would try and talk me out of it, but she accepted it and encouraged me right away.
Ultimately my feelings consisted of excitement and peace about the decision my husband and I had made. I KNOW that this is something God has called me to do. I believe that God is blessing this couple and I pray everyday that they will get the chance to be parents. It's exciting to be on the crazy journey with them and it warms my heart to see that I will get to help them bring a child into their warm and loving home.
The idea of surrogacy first came to me about a year after we had our first daughter. She was at such an enjoyable stage and although I was starting to feel ready to be pregnant again I knew that I was not ready to have another baby. I wanted everyone to get a chance to feel what I was feeling. To love someone so much it hurts and to marval at every little thing they do. The first smile, sitting, crawling, laughing, walking and even crying. There is just nothing like it. I started talking to a family who I had found over the internet. She had been in a car accident a few years earlier which had caused her to undergo an emergecy partial hysterectomy and had left her unable to carry children, but still able to produce her own eggs. We talked for about 6 months, but whenever I offered to meet them it became evident that they weren't really serious about the whole thing. It gave me a lot of things to think about. Did I really want to do this? What if the parents wanted me to have an abortion for some reason or reduce the size of pregnancy if it was multiples? I wasn't willing to do that! It became evident that if I was going to do this it would have to be for a couple with the same beliefs as me.
A few years passed. We had our second daughter and the idea once again came back into my head. I meantioned it on one of those silly surveys on facebook. I hesitated before writing it, but something in my mind urged me on. One day passed and I got an e-mail from one of my old high school friends saying that her best friend was looking for a surrogate and asked if I would talk to her. I was so shocked I couldn't believe it, but I was also so excited. I started talking to the intended mom. She was great. She was also a Christian and had the same beliefs and values about preserving life that I did. I talked to my husband about it... a little bit nervous about what he would say. He never enjoyed me being pregnant as much as I did. To my surprise he said almost immediately "if it's something your passionate about and you believe strongly that it's something your supposed to do, than I will stand beside you 100%." I almost cried I couldn't believe it. What an awesome man!!!
I felt very nervous to tell the intended parents about our decision. My experience with the people before made me worried that they might not want me. I got up the nerves to mention it to her in an e-mail and she replied back that they wanted me to do it. I was relieved and very excited. We could really plan on this. We could start talking about what we will do instead of what we might do. It was very exciting.
To my surprise everyone who I told, including my mother, were all very supportive. I was worried about what people would say. Most people thought I was crazy, but all agreed that it was awesome. My mom thinks about some things differently than I do so I was worried she would try and talk me out of it, but she accepted it and encouraged me right away.
Ultimately my feelings consisted of excitement and peace about the decision my husband and I had made. I KNOW that this is something God has called me to do. I believe that God is blessing this couple and I pray everyday that they will get the chance to be parents. It's exciting to be on the crazy journey with them and it warms my heart to see that I will get to help them bring a child into their warm and loving home.
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